I've been so tired and unmotivated these past couple of weeks. I think it is starting to show in more than just my lack of blog postings, but I'm not really sure how to go about getting back on track. I have long been a believer that your attitude about things really does affect how you deal with adversity, but lately it has been hard to keep up appearances.

I wish I could pinpoint exactly what is causing this overall malaise but in fact it is more of a perfect storm of recent life experiences that has lead me to this place. A place of irrelevance. Professionally, personally, spiritually. I think that is the worst place to be. Neither hated nor loved. Just irrelevant.

Nothing seems to be moving forward. As if the last 8 years of my existence haven't really produced anything other than debt. I know this is all awfully self indulgent and whiny, but I've got to get it out somehow. This built up frustration without an outlet is probably what is doing the most harm. Simmering just below the surface and becoming exacerbated by any change in routine.

So, I write these types of entries. In the hopes that by sending it out into the world that I will somehow release these frustrations and be able to reconcile all the different parts of my life - the aforementioned professional, personal and spiritual.

I'm sure I feel better already - see, I'm even back to the positive attitude and that's at least part of the battle. Right?

Posted by Morgan at 9:06 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, 18 September 2007 9:44 AM EDT

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#1   Went to Target
#2   Watched some America's Next Top Model (cycle 8)
#3   Set up wireless internet access on my work laptop
#4   Watched Adventures in Babysitting
#5   Upgraded my AIM software
#6   Built my AIM 'wee' avatar
#7   Spent time IM'ing my roommate who was sitting on the other couch
#8   Playing NTN Buzztime trivia and bitching about those assholes from Baltimore
#9   Drinking a number of Miller Lites
#10 Watching a late game Yankees rally

What? Don't judge me. I said I DIDN'T do any of those things this Friday instead of going out.

Posted by Morgan at 1:34 PM EDT

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with the sound of bitching! (I know even for me that was bad.) But seriously, I don't know how anyone wouldn't get hooked on The Hills. Watching it is pure entertainment, but reading the weecaps is even more awesome. Check out the excerpt from televisionwithoutpity.com below: 

Spencer and Brody roll into the jewelry store looking for some "bling." Oh for Pete's... Spencer makes a big dramatic show of the obnoxiously large ring he's picking out and how he should affix a tracking device to it, "so Heidi doesn't lose it." Sure, that too. Brody must've let him use the credit card anyway, because Spencer's like, "Sold. Wow. Done. Ready to get engaged." He buys the ring, making sure everyone knows he's buying the fattest diamond in creation, and then showily refuses the receipt, because he won't need it. That scene gave me hives. And a rage disorder.

I must admit that Joe R completely captured my reaction to that scene. If you aren't watching it, you should. Unless you are watching Weeds at that time, in which case, Tivo it. It isn't like there's much to watch any other night of the week!

Posted by Morgan at 10:18 AM EDT

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Seems like karaoke talent runs in the family!

Posted by Morgan at 1:21 PM EDT

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I have this CD compilation that I listen to every now and again called Women and Songs 2. It was originally an import from Canada and has a number of great artists featured. There are several tracks that speak to me on occasion, but recently, I've come back around to the following song.

Amanda Marshall's "Birmingham"

Virgil spencers got a nineteen-inch hitachi
And many demons lingering
Friday night he pulled a gun to change the channel
Something that he picked up from a kid
His wife remembers well the man she knew
Seems the dreams she had have all turned black and blue
Shes wasted years
No time for tears

Cause theres another chance and a someday soon
Shining like the alabama moon
Shes looking for her promised land
Out beyond the lights of
Birmingham

Its three a.m. and virgils passed out on the sofa
A fifth of jim beam on the floor
Shes packed a bag she slips the keys out of his pocket
Shes careful not to slam the door
And as she drives she rubs her rosary
Shes never been so all alone shes never felt so free
Shes got miles to go
Blind faith and hope

Cause theres another chance and a someday soon
Shining like the alabama moon
Shes looking for her promised land
Out beyond the lights of
Birmingham

As the rain falls down upon the interstate
Any doubts she had are all but washed away
One long look back
At birmingham

Cause theres another chance and a someday soon
Shining like the alabama moon
Shes looking for her promised land
Out beyond the lights of
Birmingham

Posted by Morgan at 11:45 AM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, 31 July 2007 12:54 PM EDT

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There's been a lot of talk in the past several years about censorship of what we should or should not see/hear on broadcast television. Obviously, we are all familiar with nipple gate and the subsequent repercussions-Nicolette Sheridan and that Eagle, all live shows being tape delayed by as much as 5 minutes. Because, I mean, God forbid that our children might hear a curse word and then we'd have to explain to them how that wasn't a word to be used in everyday conversation - or that they would see something slightly risque, thus forcing us to talk to them about sex or drugs or anything for that matter instead of silently hoping that someone else was going to do the hard job of raising society's children, instead of stepping up and doing it ourselves. Where is that communication? The kind that I had growing up where my parents were, for the most part, open and honest about what was going on in the world around me? Of course it was hard and difficult sometimes and they wanted to protect me and keep me safe, but not to the point of sheltering me from all aspects of life because that is how we grow as people. 

All that being said, I've noticed something about communication today. We don't need the FCC to censor us because we do it ourselves, all the time. Take blogging for example - when we start out, we want a place to express ourselves, a place to chronicle our thoughts and feelings which we are too afraid to put out there to real people. It is a double edged sword though, because we want people to read what we have written and share in our common experiences. Until there comes a point where we start to get worried about how these same people will view what we've written and the site becomes no longer about expressing ourselves, but instead about expressing something that we think other people would want to read about.

Should I say this? Is this too boring? Too narrow? Will people like me? What if so and so sees this post?

In fact, I'm doing it right now. Should I actually post all of this? What if someone takes it the wrong way? Like the person in Dublin who stops by on occasion. Will this person be offended by what I've written or will they understand the meaning behind my thoughts? Does it even really matter?

I guess it all comes down to the attempts we make at being honest. Everyone we meet (online or off) probably has just as many questions running through their heads. All we can do is try to break through all the clutter so that our message is heard. It may not be successful all the time, but the real failure would be to stop trying.

Posted by Morgan at 10:48 AM EDT

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The trip to Dewey was both exactly what I expected and yet completely a surprising experience. I know, I know, I've read the blogs, I've heard the stories, but still, nothing truly prepared me for the debauchery that took place.

There was tons of laughter, drinking, dancing and falling down (mainly me). All the staples of a super fun time, especially at the beach. I couldn't have asked to go with two better bitches. But then of course, there's always Big Mike, John and Pierre.

Posted by Morgan at 11:47 AM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, 19 June 2007 11:58 AM EDT

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Oh! Mister Dewey don't you dare fret
It is such a shame that we haven't yet met.

But that's a thing that's going to change.
This weekend, it certainly has been arranged.

Boa and Mav are psyched and ready to go,
Along with Veronica, it'll be a good show.

Two more long days and we'll be on our way,
To what I'm sure will be a debaucherous stay.

We are taking a super quick, fast short cut
To hasten departure from our nasty spring rut!

Live music, sun and lots of cute boys,
Hmmm...I wonder should we bring any toys?

Miller High Life Lite, stromboli and wings
These are a few of our favorite things!

Posted by Morgan at 10:58 AM EDT

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She's sooo hot. Am I right?

Her name honors the fabulous Veronica Mars who was prematurely canceled so the CW can bring us "Search for the Next Pussycat Doll #467: This Time We're Crotchless!"
 

Posted by Morgan at 3:35 PM EDT

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It was a warm night in Central Florida after having a few in dorm cocktails and making my way over to my college auditorium that I fell in love. It was sometime in the mid 90's (96 or 97) and our small college had somehow convinced (paid a lot of our tuition to) Dave Matthews to perform for us on his acoustic tour with his pal Tim Reynolds. At that point in time, I had certainly heard "Ants Marching" - that DMB song that sends every non-fan running to fast forward and a couple of other songs from the band's first widely successful album, but I wasn't a huge fan. Still, though, it was a free concert and what kind of moron passes that up?

As we all settled into our seats in the small auditorium (did I mention that my school only had 1600 students?) I wasn't really ready for the experience that followed. Now, I know that there are a number of people who I would consider very musically knowledgeable, who cannot stand DMB and his brand of jam bands. However, to these people I say, seriously, see him in concert. It is a totally different experience. These two men onstage made two guitars sound like the huge band that Dave usually plays with and it was absolutely unbelievable. To see that kind of talent in such a small venue was amazing.

So, began my love affair with this band. I seem to go through cycles where I listen to them all the time and then months and months without even thinking about it. Sure, if you look over all of their studio albums, there are some I like (Under the Table and Dreaming, Crash, Everyday) better than others, (Busted Stuff, Before these Crowded Streets) but overall I always find songs that I seemingly forgot about and fall in love with all over again. I mean, I've always been very dedicated to "Say Goodbye" and "Stay" but then there's "Grey Street," "Jimi Thing," "Too Much," "Bartender," and "Typical Situation." This weekend thanks to a good jukebox, I guess you could say that I rekindled the affair. Thanks Dave.

Posted by Morgan at 4:37 PM EDT

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