So, those of you in the Washington area are aware that our new little baseball team is kicking some ass in the standings and that is great. I have been fortunate enough to attend a couple of games and they have been awesome. What was more than awesome, though was the metro ride home last evening from the game.
So, we were lucky enough to beat the largest throngs of people and made it into the station and pretty much got right on a train. 'Wow, we thought, that was easy.' Little did we know that on our train was one of the most oddly animated and unanimated people I have ever come in contact with.
What do I mean by this? Well, let's start with when we got on the metro, he was sprawled out on the priority seating as if it was his own couch. My friend and I continued to talk about the game and other things until a couple of stops had passed and this guy had moved seats and was now putting his feet up all over the place.
Then his attention turned to us. Ruh roh.
H: Is this your first trip to Washington?
M: No, we're from the area.
My Friend: Dupont Circle (me thinking, you couldn't have picked something more believable?)
M: Yes, our parents are diplomats. (fine, not really)
H: So I guess that means I should stop talking to you.
Us: Silence...(and not really understanding why he thought that, I would say it was more of our demeanor that would have given him the hint)
About two minutes pass and he moves to the seat directly across from us.
H: So, do you actually even CARE about anything?
H: Hi, I'm 'Funky' but my friends call me 'Funk' and you are?
M: Emily (yes, that is totally not my name. Shut. Up.)
H: I will tell you something about myself. I used to work for the Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan.
Us Thinking: Really, we never would have guessed with the permanently stoned eyes you have and the fabulously long curly locks you are sporting.
M: What do you do now?
H: I choose to be unemployed to hang out with my old mother and knocked-up sister. You know, family is important.
See, it was at this point that he actually fell off his bench and rolled onto the floor. And then he didn't get up right away. Not sure if it was because he couldn't process what happened or perhaps he just liked the view from down there. Who knows. I know that I found it quite entertaining.
H: Homo sapien
M: Yes, aren't we all (a little confused by this segue)
H: Not you all, you're homosexuals.
Us: Huh? Nope, don't think so.
M: I don't think you understand the meaning of Homo sapien.
Now I think this was this poor man's way of determining whether or not my friend and I were together, which we are not. Once this was decided, he moved in for the kill. After poking me in my arm 5 times, I told him that I would not go out on a date with him.
M: I have a boyfriend named Thor.
H: What does he do?
M: Drives a tow truck. (now mind you I am describing my last ex, so it isn't EXACTLY a lie)
H: Huh...what kind of truck is it?
M: A TOW truck. I don't know what brand. One that can hold cars and trucks, I suppose.
Finally, our stop arrived and we were able to get off the train before our new friend Funk tried to sit in our laps and lick our faces.
So, if any of you ladies are looking for a fabulous man named Funk, I think I know where to find him. Blue Line train to Franconia-Springfield is all you need.