Holy Hell
Mood:  d'oh
Ok--so apparently the freakiest people tend to email personals members in bulk as not only did my friend receive one from the gentleman mentioned below, but I now have received one from the "Hot Italian Man" who emailed her. I had virtually the same email she did, with the addition of the points below.

FIRST, I SHAVED MY MUSTACHE OFF AND I AM EVEN MORE ATHLETIC NOW THAN WHAT MY PICTURE SHOWS SINCE I MOVED TO DC!! I WANT TO MEET YOU!! I would LOVE to meet you!! I'm 36, Italian, professional, dark hair and eyes, right about 6', and 195 lbs. I love music, pretty much all kinds from the 80's to now, except for twangy country stuff. I am NOT a player as I love hot monogamous relationships!! For that special someone, I have great endurance and control, as I love to make love and truly get a lot out of pleasing a woman (you having a great time Always comes first!!) I love to share those special times lying in bed together. I am open to all kinds of things so what ever turns you on is great with me! I am told I'm good looking and well endowed. I don't mind hanging out somewhere so you can check me out.So, let's hook up!! I have a 2003 50th edition convertible Corvette that I love to cruise around town in - nothing like the wind blowing through your hair! I make over $175 k/yr. as a rocket scientist. Let's go have some fun!!

Personals Galore
Mood:  cheeky
Ok, this one actually was sent to a friend of mine, but certainly you can tell this one is a winner!

Hi:
I saw your personal here on Yahoo and wanted to respond with some information about myself.
I am 5'11" tall, 180 pounds, 40 years old, brown hair, hazel eyes, handsome, intelligent, witty, charming, romantic, spontaneous, and have a good sense of humor.
I am currently married and am looking for a mistress. To start with, not all relationships are traditional, so yes my wife knows. I have been VERY successful in business so I want to find someone who I can spoil ... shopping trips, gifts, travel, help with bills/rent etc. Spoil me with you attention and affection and I will spoil you.
To tell you more I have many passions in life... scuba diving, downhill skiing, hiking, biking, roller bladeing, the performing arts (the Orchestra and Theater), boating, fine dining with a great bottle of wine, sunsets on the beach in the Caribbean, world travel and much more.
If you are seriously interested write back and tell me more about yourself. Please feel free to ask any questions, I won't be offended. I have pictures I can e-mail you

Another Personals Winner
Mood:  incredulous
Ok--I have to interrupt the Syracuse fun for this. These are the kind of men I apparently attract. I got this email from another Yahoo! personals member. I now give you this email...in its entirety.

Nice to see a woman who knows what she wants...desires and knows what she is...very nice
indeed...delicious...Very nice...I think you should
add beautiful to your description...very very
nice......you are a beautiful sexy desirable
woman....I am very much interested in you....Do you
like what I have to offer?...I was wondering if you
might like to talk further... Just a quick note and
request...in my spare time I refurbish and put
together computers for elderly, handicapped and
families with children that can not afford
them....let's just say it is my way of balancing the
scale for my other activities...heheehe...nothing like seeing a two or four year old watching Elmo dance around the screen. You would be amazed how thankful people are to take what many of us discard as being obsolete and cherishing it for the newfound joy and information it brings into their lives. Most people start thinking about upgrading their computers and donating around this time of the year...if you know of anyone that might be willing to part with an old computer or software when they might be upgrading I would be most appreciative if you would let me know. I am able to pick them up at your notice. So...do you have any video or books, software or dvds you do not want? I can pick them up. Would you care to safely explore with Me within your completely negotiable consenting limits? Are you ready? I am looking for a woman who is incredibly passionate and enjoys intimacy in every form ...you would be open..honest...compassionate and highly capable of a deep physical and mental relationship that is both intense and varied...you would also like Me be a dichotomy of two personalities...on the one hand you are an adventure seeking...world traveling...no holds barred...Lets have lots of fun ...bold exploring within your consenting limits kind of woman but you are also a practical .. down to earth ...successful professional ...happy ...sensual ... sensitive ...
caring and sexy you are willing to be adventurous in
intimacy...both mentally and physically ...willingness to sensually sexually explore the mindset of the erotic...safely with Me within your completely negotiable consenting limits...is that you? Thanks

Syracuse: Day 2
Ok, this is a second attempt at posting this information, as when I tried last week for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to close my browser before actually posting the entry. Perhaps I shouldn't be trying to update my blog while at work and things like this won't happen...

Now, Syracuse, Day 2. Well, it began innocently enough with a trip to the refrigerator to begin the rehydration portion of the day. Even though it was 8am and we had only gotten home at 4am for some reason Big B was awake as well. We opted to settle into what would be our daily battle position in the living room to watch some digital cable. I put my contacts in only to find out something was amiss. I thought perhaps in my drunken stupor I had mixed them up and placed the wrong ones in the wrong eyes, so I took them out, reversed them and tried again. This did not seem to be the case as my right eye vision was still somewhat blurred and now so was my left, so I switched them back. The left eye was a-ok, the right was not. At this point, I was exhausted from all that moving about and had to sit back down in the living room where we proceeded to watch hours of the digital radio stations. While we were watching we also discussed possible solutions to the fact that something was terribly wrong with my contact. I deduced that instead of throwing my old pair out with one left and one right, I instead mixed them up and ended up with two left contacts which were now in both of my eyes. We called my eye doctor to see if he could fax a prescription. His answer was a flat no, due to the fact that it had been 2 years since my last visit. We finally decided I would have to go to Wal-Mart and get my eyes checked again. I would like to note that at this point, we had been watching the digital radio for about 4 hours so it is obvious that we were not thinking clearly, possibly due to the previous drunken evening.
I finally pry myself up off of the fabulous leather chair which had become my home, to cleanse myself for the Wal-Mart visit. I decided to remove my contacts prior to getting the exam. When I removed my right contact, I noticed that in fact, two contacts have been in my eye the entire time. I still have no idea how that happened and have decided to chalk it up to a stupid drunken incident--at least by proxy. In any case, that left us free of having to visit a Wal-Mart that day and gave us more time to spend drinking Captain Morgan and Cokes later that afternoon and still not making it to the Great New York State Fair. More on day 2 to come...not that anyone cares, but me that is.

Syracuse: Day 1
Ok, so I just returned from a visit to Syracuse, NY for Labor Day and I admit that I should be doing work, but am instead posting things on my blog. I just wanted to get in a quick entry of the massive festivities that occurred this drunken weekend. Now, I know at 27, I should be slowing down a little bit on the boozing, but come on, what is a person to do when they go and visit their best friend from college but drink?

I arrived in Syracuse already hungover from an accidental evening on the town the night before. I headed to the mall to wait for my friend to finish working. I did some shopping, but there is only so much shopping one person can do and still be able to fit their belongings into the suitcases to go back home. After the shopping I attempted to be good and go to a movie, but none were playing at the right time, so that lead me to the happy hour at the Pizzeria Uno. 4 tall beers later and my friend comes to meet me. We then go to Bennigan's (you can see what a happening town Syracuse is) because they were having a tent party. The band there was pretty good albeit playing pretty much covers. Nothing major happened at this venue, save for all the Harley riders that were in attendance--oh and some bikini modeling team or something that spent more time in the bathroom than at the party.

We then moved on to a place called the Thompson Road Tavern--I think--I only heard the full name once and then it was referred to as the TRT. This place was awesome, even though it was about the size of my office. They did have darts and pool, so that was good. My friend Big B and I pretty much kicked ass at the darts, but I got handily beaten at pool. It is now 2am and we are hungry. We had been talking about eating since about 6pm, but hadn't been successful in that endeavor. At this point our only option was dun dun dun...Denny's. Three chain restaurants in one day. Scary. I will say they had the best buffalo wings I had ever eaten along with some fabulous seasoned fries. Who knew Denny's had expanded their menu to include not only regular fries, but seasoned ones as well!!! The end of the evening came around 4am when we stumbled home only to have Big B freak out when her boyfriend was actually asleep in her room. Ahhh the memories. More to come when Day 2 hits in a few...And, it gets better...

Internet Spam
I really wish the Internet Spam people would stop emailing me with offers to by cheap versions of windows xp and other assorted software. Also, apparently I have been emailing a ton of people that I don't know as I keep receiving 'undeliverable' messages concerning things I have no knowledge of. I hope it isn't one of my other personalities sending all this information out...

Wet Carpet Update
Ewwww...not like that! Ok, so they still aren't fully sure what caused the leak, but they tried to fix a couple of different things. I spent the entire weekend with most of my hall carpet pulled up so the portable industrial fan could dry out the situation. I will say that it got worse before it got better and was in fact, so soaking wet on Sunday that I had to call the office again. I have no idea if they came in and did anything, but on Monday when the guy came in to remove the fan, the carpet did seem amazingly drier. Of course due to the humidity and the molding carpet, my formerly lovely apartment had begun to take on this ummm stench, I guess you could say. Luckily, the carpet people that came to get their stuff did graciously steam clean my hall carpet and after burning about 17 scented candles and some essential oils, the place smells better. Who knows what the next trials and tribulations at the abode will be...

High School Scam
This is being brought to you by those fabulous folks at The Smoking Gun...

High School Scam

I think I know some people who graduated from here and I think they work in my apartment complex!

Apartment Idiots
Mood:  irritated
Ok, so here is a story. I get up this morning at 6am and I walk through my hallway to get a glass of OJ. (the juice, not the man) Whilst walking on my carpet, I notice one part in particular is soaking wet. I am still sort of asleep so I thought maybe I was imagining it, so I investigated further. Yep, it was soaking wet. So, I check the ceiling--nothing leaking there. I check in front of the washer/dryer, which I haven't used since Saturday and nothing there, but the wall in the hall does border the w/d unit. So, on my way to work, I call my apt. complex and leave a detailed message as to the nature of the problem. Fast forward to about 10am this morning and I get a call from the Kathy Ireland sounding lady that works there (actually she makes Kathy Ireland sound mature) and I redescribe the problem. Then she says and I quote "Are you sure it was wet?" Are you kidding me with this? Am I sure it was wet? No, in fact, it was just a little joke I thought I would play on you all this morning at 7am. Seriously? Seriously. Un. Acceptable. Anyway, who knows where it was from or if anyone will actually take care of it. I guess I will find out in about 5 hours.

To Clip Or Not To Clip
What am I talking about you ask? Well, basically I am referring to the ever popular mobile phone accessory, the belt clip. First and foremost, let me mention that I understand that they can be a useful accessory for when you need to have access to your phone. I will say that under no circumstances are they attractive and should be avoided except when extremely necessary. Take for example an ex-boyfriend I used to have. Let's call him John. Well, when I met John, he was just finishing up a failed stint at the fire academy...I know, that should have been my first clue. So, we go out on a couple dates, have a good time and enjoy ourselves. Things go well and we start dating more seriously. I come to find out that the boy is addicted to his cell phone and often times will clip it to his belt when we go out. Now, perhaps this is just me being selfish, but seriously, the man had no job--does he really need to have that much immediate access to his phone? On top of that, he never, ever tucked his shirts in, so he would have this weird pooch where his shirt would get caught on the phone. It looked ridiculous.

Now, I realize that I could be making a mountain out of a molehill and also am not so much against the belt clip as the incessant need for persons to be in constant digital contact with others when they are out to dinner, on dates or doing something of the like. If someone is planning on meeting up with you, by all means, get that phone out. However, if you are on a date and you aren't someone who needs to be paged for emergencies...take off the belt clip. Just do it. You'll be better off, I swear.