Ode To Alcohol
Some people enjoy drinking just soda
To them I say, that isn't my coda.
For me, I enjoy something much stronger
Drinks, non-alcoholic couldn't be wronger.
Bud Light, Miller Lite, and the Captain, too,
All taste much better than sodas do.
Some laugh and sneer and call me a drunk,
But fuck you, I say, you bad Baptist* punk.

*please note I do not dislike Baptists, it simply fit with the artistic vision of the poem and refers to one of my friends who thinks she is a bad Baptist sometimes.

Happy Birthday to Me
Mood:  celebratory
Well, my 28th birthday was this weekend and it was a blast. As stated in the previous entry, there was much skankstravaganza excitement taking place all of last week.

So, on the day of my actual birth, I was awoken by my friend Big B calling me at 7:55am, which we determined was unacceptable for many reasons. Basically, it was way to early to phone anyone on any day, much less on a Saturday and certainly not on someone's birthday. However, it was a great start to a fantastic day which was spent with my very favorite friends who currently reside in the area.

Much of the day was spent at a lovely restaurant in Northern Virginia called The Front Page with my friend Patsy. Molly came to join us and then a number of us went to dinner and out to sing karaoke. Now, I think I have mentioned this karaoke place before and it is a real dive bar, but still a fantastic place to sing things such as Poison's 'Talk Dirty to Me' and as my friend Molly likes to sing Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On' which is always a crowd pleaser.

I guess it was late in the evening when I looked back on the day and around the bar at the friends who had gathered to celebrate and I was really happy. I have been very lucky to find a new family here in DC, so far away from my own, a set of friends who are so loyal and fun that they love you like blood. (blood relatives, not like vampires or anything) So, basically, I just wanted to tell them all that here. Not that most of them check this out, but you know, in case they do. There were some who couldn't make it out on that day and they were certainly missed, but at 28, even though I am not where I thought I would be in life, I can at least say that I am surrounded by some awesome people.

And, b/c I can't leave this out...when we were leaving an after-hours party at a friend's apt. Molly felt it was appropriate to knock on other apt. doors. I attempted to stop her from doing this, only resulting in her tripping over her own feet and taking both of us down in the process. I am surprised I didn't have a concussion, but I am sure the massive amounts of beer probably helped us to not get hurt.

In any case, thanks to everyone who helped celebrate this entire birthday weekend skankstravaganza. It really meant a lot to me. Next weekend...a sketchy trip to Los Angeles with Molly, Lucy and Molly's brother! AND MAYBE 50 CENT!!!

Wacky Wednesday
Well, my 28th birthday is around the corner so last evening, some of the gals and myself decided to start the weekend early by going to a local sports bar for 'Wacky Wednesday.' We thought it would be the perfect beginning to what we like to call Birthday Weekend Skanstravaganzas. It all sounded like a good plan, we would go there for $2 beers and food and perhaps view the upcoming Duke/Wake Forest basketball game. It seems innocent enough, right? When we arrive, we are made aware that the special goes until 8pm. It was 6. Well, bring us a bunch of those $2 beers then...now, all the gals have been out of college for quite a while, but we all still know the value of a good drink special and we wanted to take full advantage. I think the part we all forgot about was why we don't usually drink draft beer in the first place. That would be the ever popular draft beer hangover. It has long been discussed in my circle of friends that if you drink the same kind and amount of beer in bottles compared to drinking the same thing from a tap, you will inevitably feel much worse in the morning. We have determined that this is b/c over time, the quality of the 'beer lines' at any establishment get clogged with really gross things like yeast and 'line slugs' which sound disgusting so I can't even imagine that I was drinking beer that had passed through these things. Yuck. In any case, even though $2 beers is a great deal, especially while living in a big city, sometimes it is worth the extra $2 to get your beer in a bottle. Or, perhaps not drink at all...wait what?

Festival of Fools meet Snow. Snow, meet Festival of Fools
Mood:  party time!
So, I know a lot of people have written about the snow that hit the northeast last week, so I thought it would only be fitting if I, too, at least for my 5 (ok, who am I kidding 3) readers to check out.

So, last Saturday, I woke up completely refreshed as I had stayed in on Friday night. I got up early, returned some movies and rented new ones to prepare for what they were calling a 'huge blizzard' As I returned home, I ran into my friend Patsy in the parking lot as she was moving her car. Earlier in the week, we had planned to go out to a local establishment on Saturday afternoon. She mentioned to me that she was ready to go and that she would just meet me at my car. I, unfortunately was not ready to go as I was wearing wind pants, a toque and a fleece that I had slept in.

So, we go back up to my apartment where I am at least allowed to change and decide to head out to a local bar. The thought, at this point, did occur to me that once we got there, we might well be stuck, but that didn't seem to deter me from going out. Besides, we had decided to park in a parking garage that would safely shield the car from the said 'blizzard' were were supposed to get. Did I mention it was about 11:30am? No...well, it was. So, we get to the bar and there are about 5 people there and it has started to snow a little. Fast forward to about 2:30 and it is pretty obvious that no one is going anywhere although the bar has gotten suspiciously more crowded with the likes of many fisherman sweater wearing gentlemen, one of whom's name is actually Brandon Walsh. And, before you ask, we did in fact check his ID. Well, poor Brandon was just looking for a little entertainment on this fine Saturday, so he started chatting up my friend and I, basically throwing his other friends under the bus whenever possible.
What do I mean by this you ask? Well, at one point it involved him blurting out something about his friend's last date who was an ass licker named Marilla. This of course made Patsy and I think of Anne of Green Gables and seriously, no one wants to think of those two things together.
In any case, it was about that time that Molly showed up to view the Wake Forest game and while she was glad they won, she was most certainly not glad that they kept interrupting the game to tell everyone it was snowing. 'Really?' she said. 'Because we can't already see it outside assholes.'
Anyway, the ridiculousness kept on until 8pm when we decided it would be a good idea to switch venues via the trusty public transportation system. Which was awesome, except for the fact that I didn't have any small bills and for some reason just wasted $20 on a metro ticket when I had one at home with $60 on it. Alas, the dumbass things we do when drunk.
So, on to the second venue where Molly orders a cider. She determines she doesn't like it and proceeds to get a light beer. She also determines she doesn't like this one either. How about a chocolate martini? Well, three of those and $35 later and boy weren't those tasty. She is also now aware that even if you don't finish a beer, you still have to pay full price for it. Also, I would like to note that our other friend Lucy joined us at this establishment and I am sure was quite entertained by our drunkeness as she was sober. In any case, the evening ended with a trip to the trusty sketchy karaoke bar as someone 'accidentally' mentioned to Molly that she could sing some Celine Dion. Luckily for the karaoke crowd and our ear drums the karaoke man was unable to make it due to the massive (read 5 inches) snow that we got in the greater metropolitan DC area. Also, Molly and Lucy were offered some herbal refreshment at that establishment as well, which was awesome. Too bad it doesn't snow every weekend!

All Good Things
Mood:  not sure
Well, as with most things, all good things must come to an end. I am currently referring to my fabulous friend Molly who will be leaving the area to spend some fabulous time with her fabulous boyfriend in another state. While we are all happy for her personally, on our end, we have decided that it pretty much sucks.

To understand this, I guess you have to have a little insight into my little group of friends here in the Nation's capital which has slowly been shifting for a couple of years now. With one friend moving away to finish school and another getting married and pregnant (although still living in the area thank goodness) and it seems as though with the departure of Molly, the era of debauchery might be coming to an end. Although, not without a final farewell 'Festival of Fools' as Lucy mentioned in an earlier comment.

When I moved to DC from Florida, I didn't know hardly anyone and I was lucky enough to have met Molly while playing coed softball. It was through Molly that I was able to meet the wonderful surrogate family that I have created living so far away from my actual family. While it seems like I have known them forever, it has really only been a little over 4 years, which I can say flew past quite quickly. Many boyfriends have come and gone and some have permanently stayed (Hi Boys!) but I think we are all going to miss Molly quite tremendously. There are many great things about her that she doesn't realize, things like being able to amuse herself and her friends simply by speaking in a wonderful Chinese/English accent or her massive love for all things trivia and beer related. But, mostly she'll be missed because of her easy going personality and her ability to be around when you need her--for fun or not so fun--like moving that one time when she about freaked out at my apartment upon learning how much was left to be done (still sorry about that one!)

So, she is set to leave at the end of March and we are planning a festival of fools to mark her departure and celebrate the next chapter in her life. We will all certainly miss you and wish you the best! As for the festival of fools, I am sure that will allow for some quite entertaining reading...so stick around...we'll be right back!

The week, she is almost over...
and thank the Lord for small favors. This week has just been helacious. I have spent numerous hours at work hassling different people because no one at my job seems to actually do anything. For example, take our invoicing procedure--in a normal business, you contract out for a service and when the service has been complete, they invoice you and your company pays it. Now, at my company, this becomes a little complicated because the people ordering the service have to go through a purchasing department to create a purchase order. Then the vendor sends in an invoice, which has to be addressed to a specific PO Box and if it is not, it is sent back without question...or explanation. So, then it gets sent back in again and is still wrong because no one has taken the time to let the vendor know why it was rejected in the first place. Then, and this is my favorite part, it sits on someone's desk for weeks, perhaps months, until it is brought to someone's attention. Now, mind you, when all this is occurring, the person who contracted the stuff has no idea b/c they aren't seeing the actual invoices, b/c they aren't even getting scanned into the electronic routing system. But, that isn't the best part...apparently, even those that do make it in, aren't getting routed to my boss or myself for approval b/c of some technical glitch. Now, I have been to the CFO and told him about this to no avail. We have been to the technical folks and no dice. So, at the end of the year, I am stuck sorting through this pile of dung they call accounts payable trying to track down all of the outstanding invoices, and for me personally? I don't really care--if they get paid, great. If not, that is ok, too. I just want these people to stop passing the buck and when they are asked to do something, they should just freakin' do it. How do these people stay employed? I have done more accounting work as a marketing analyst than when I actually worked at an accounting firm.

Ahem...it is really high up on this soap box. I think I can see happy hour from here.

Happy 2005!!!
Hope everyone enjoyed 2004 and are ready for 2005. I spent the weekend attempting to get over a cold while still showing my cousins and one of their girlfriends around town. It was quite a good time and consisted of visiting many churches, museums, libraries and of course, local drinking establishments. My aunt would be very proud to learn that my one cousin and I were able to maintain our beer pong championship trophy as well.

For those of you who have not discovered the joys of beer pong, I highly recommend trying it. All you need is a table, (that can get beer spilled all over it) some plastic solo cups, ping pong balls and of course, beer! There are many variations on the rules of the game, but basically you can play individually or on teams of two. Each party gets a chance to toss the ping pong ball into the opposing team/player's cups. Whomever can eliminate the other teams cups first, wins and the loser has to drink all the full cups that are left. It is highly entertaining and just the proper way to ring in the new year. A big shout-out to my friend Yentrouc who hosted the fantastic party!

Posted Comments
Ok--so over the holidays, someone, who didn't leave their name, posted numerous times, with the same couple of comments, concerning the content on my site. I would like to say that I take what that person had to say to heart and have removed the photos from the site. However, these people have posted their information, publicly on a dating site. So, therefore, it is in the public domain. In any case, I am sorry if I have offended anyone reading this site, and if you have proper criticisms, that is great and I am happy to hear them.

And from the looks of it...it will be many more months
Mood:  quizzical
Because yet again, I have another winner emailing me from the personals--no wait, he emailed my friend a couple of months ago:

Hi:
I saw your personal here on Yahoo and wanted to respond with some information about myself.
I am 5'11" tall, 180 pounds, 40 years old, brown hair, hazel eyes, handsome, intelligent, witty, charming, romantic, spontaneous, and have a good sense of humor.
I am currently married and am looking for a mistress. To start with, not all relationships are traditional, so yes my wife knows. I have been VERY successful in business so I want to find someone who I can spoil ... shopping trips, gifts, travel, help with bills/rent etc. Spoil me with you attention and affection and I will spoil you.
To tell you more I have many passions in life... scuba diving, downhill skiing, hiking, biking, roller bladeing, the performing arts (the Orchestra and Theater), boating, fine dining with a great bottle of wine, sunsets on the beach in the Caribbean, world travel and much more.
If you are seriously interested write back and tell me more about yourself. Please feel free to ask any questions, I won't be offended. I have pictures I can e-mail you.

At least he is honest!

Bathroom Incidents
Mood:  smelly
Ok, so I thought I entered this in here before, but apparently not. Today at my new office, I was reminded about a couple of bathroom incidents that occurred at my old job.

Well, everyone knows about the office restrooms and how they can sometimes pose as their own little private hell...for example, in my current workplace we actually have keys to get into the bathroom. Apparently they had a problem with people coming in off the street to use the restrooms, so now we all have keys. The worst thing I have encountered here has been the norm...unflushed toilets...messy seats, etc...however, there was one person who was in a stall while I was in there and I could have sworn that I heard paper rustling. No, I thought, that couldn't be. Well, I was washing my hands when this person emerged from the toilets and with no amount of embarrassment or anything and proceeds to fold up said papers and tuck them under her arm. Now, let me say that I can understand the thought to take something in there, but seriously folks, that is so unnecessary. You are not at your house and if you do make the bad decision to take reading materials into the restroom, at least have the decency to hide it from everyone else.

Now, with that being said, the real restroom tragedies occurred at my old job. There I was happily headed to the bathroom early one afternoon. I walked in and opened the door to the second stall only to be greeted with what can only be described as a feces explosion. It was on the seat, it was on the back of the stall wall. It was everywhere and it was disgusting.

So, this brought up a few questions...first and foremost how in the hell does something like that happen? Secondly, if it were some sort of freak accident and it happened to any normal person, wouldn't you attempt to clean it up so as to make sure no one knew what happened, what YOU had done? How can you just leave it all there. Thirdly, how awful must that be for the folks that have to clean it up? Horrible.

Now, that was bad, but the worst part is that this happened, not once, but twice in our bathroom--in the same stall, although the second time it was just in a big pile next to the toilet. How messed up do you have to be to completely miss the toilet and if it is a medical thing, which I understand, wouldn't it be prudent to perhaps telecommute? I really don't understand what people are thinking.