Things I saw in the last 12 hours that were scary.
In order of appearance...

Number one: Man wearing jean shorts. Yes, it was 57 degrees today, but it is now 9:30pm and freezing. There is no excuse for shorts and more importantly on a man? No excuse for jean shorts. Just. BAD.

Number two: A poor old Hispanic man on the bus this morning wearing a Delta Zeta sorority sweatshirt. The man had no idea what it meant, but the scary thing would be the reaction of a DZ sister if ever confronted with this sight.

Number three: A delivery truck touting the following items--eggs, frozen eggs, egg solids and egg liquids. These things should never be spoken of, much less advertised in big, bold lettering on the side of a truck. Ughhhhh...I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. Come to think of it, what are egg solids and egg liquids? Wait, I suppose I don't really want to know.

Ok...so
I currently have a ton of work I need to be doing and I have been fairly productive for part of the day. Yesterday was extremely productive, but I am just having a bit of a harder time today.

I have a theory about why that is and basically it comes down to whether or not I feel comfortable in my clothes. You know, you wake up in the morning, a bit groggy and try to find something decent to wear, like yesterday, I was completely pleased with my outfit. Today, however, is a different story.

It isn't so much that I don't like what I am wearing, which consists of army green dress pants from Banana Republic and a charcoal gray turtleneck from Old Navy (yes, they are the same store pretty much so shut. up.) I guess I am having one of those days where I just don't feel that comfortable. You know, a little too bloated, or perhaps I've eaten too much caesar salad (and yes, it was salad day again.) In any case, I sort of feel like I have to slump down in my chair to create the least amount of stress on my waistline and this causes me to feel lethargic and I don't get as much work done. Now, I know that I did not drastically gain weight from yesterday so I know this is just a state of mind, but I swear, if I had on some fleece pants with an elastic waistband...I would be kicking the shit out of some market analyzation right about now. Alas, that is not the case. Maybe I will just take a nap.

Ode To Caesar Salad Day
Caesar salad bar how I love you. Let me count the ways.

I love you for your choice of calamari, salmon, grilled chicken or my favorite, fried chicken tenders.

I love you for your leafy green goodness.

I love you for your regular or lite dressing.

I love you for your extra parmesan cheese.

I love you for your croutons.

I love you for your onion straws.

I love you for the man who tosses all the above ingredients with love and care.

But, most of all, I love hearing your name announced when I call the office cafeteria menu and looking forward to you all morning.

Thank you Caesar Salad day. You are truly one of a kind.

Love,
Me

Sneakers, Tennis Shoes...etc...
Ok, most of the people that know me, know that I have a problem purchasing sneakers. Or, more accurately, that I have a problem not purchasing them. I will say in my defense that most of the sneakers I buy are, in fact, under $50 a piece, so therefore, I feel my obsession isn't as bad as it could be.

Well, to let everyone know, I currently own the following number of pairs of sneakers: 11. Yes, that is right, 11.

Can I say that 5 of those are actually Skechers, which we all know have absolutely no athletic use, as they are strictly decorative. Two of the pairs are over 5 years old which I use for painting or other such activities where I don't care if they get messed up.

So, that takes care of 7 pairs right there. What do I need the other 5 for? Well, one pair of New Balance I use in the summer b/c I can just slide them right on and off. (Also, these are about 4 years old) Another pair of NB I have at the office for when I pretend (I mean intend) to go to the gym. My newest sneakers are Adidas and those I do use when I am actually working out at home or at the gym outside the office. The final pair I have is a pair of K-Swiss which are used for playing tennis only. I know, most of you might not believe that one needs a separate pair for just this, but as a former college player, it is a necessity. What? Just b/c I rarely play anymore, I still need them. Shut up.

So, before yesterday, it had been 2 and 1/2 years since I purchased such an item as my good friend Molly kept telling me...do you know how many beers that purchase could buy you? So, I held off for as long as possible--at least from sneakers. In any case, around the holidays I got a nice little $25 treat from DSW Shoes and proceeded to go in there yesterday and purchase these awesome shoes! They are so comfortable and I heart them. If I could wear them to work, I would be wearing them now. Please don't judge me. But, you can judge the shoes...mine are the green and pink ones, just an FYI.

The Greatest Dirty Joke Ever Told
I ran across this from yesterday's New York Times

Where is our free speech going people?

Bad Idea Jeans
So, does anyone remember that fake SNL commercial for Bad Idea Jeans? You know the one where they show all the people in the jeans and there is a voiceover stating 'Tell your girlfriend you're married? Bad Idea.' Now you have jeans to wear when you are making bad decisions. See, this comes up whenever my friend Molly and I decide to do something that we know we will regret the next day...usually this involves staying out way too late and drinking way too much.

Anyway, last night while we were in the midst of celebrating Lucy's second 28th birthday skankstravaganza, there was a point, around 8:45 where we could have gone home and gotten a good night's sleep so we could be productive at work. Did that happen? Of course not. Some of our new found friends happened to mention the magic word. KARAOKE. What was that you said? Perhaps we could stay out a little longer and it is Lucy's b-day celebration.

We go outside and walk the 3 (more like 10) blocks to this little basement bar called Peyote. It was awesome. The floor was completely sticky and they had this one half of a booth bench all along one side of the bar. Part of it was also sticky. My first song? Salt N Pepa's 'Let's Talk About Sex' My second song, involved Bad Idea Jeans...Molly and I sang (and I use the word loosely) Samantha Fox's 'Naughty Girls Need Love Too' Apparently there are actual words other than the chorus to this song which we did not know. Had people in the bar brought rotten tomatoes, let's just say I know where they would have ended up. Thankfully, I was able to redeem myself with a rendition of 'Bust A Move' and another couple of classics, one of which involved Cher.

I have to say that I really enjoyed this place and the other people that sang chose some really good songs--Total Eclipse of the Heart, We Belong, I Touch Myself (twice), 9 to 5, Don't Stop Believin', Nasty (sung by a man) and Livin' On a Prayer.

There were some interesting characters there. The first were the two lovely ladies who were visiting from St. Louis. One of whom apparently tried out for American Idol, but did not make it. She was no slouch in the karaoke dept., though. And, she was nice enough to give me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek when she left stating that I was 'just the nicest person ever!' Which was awesome and perhaps the most action I have seen in months. Secondly, I also overheard some juicy gossip in the bathroom, which apparently only consisted of noting that someone's boss bought her a laptop or something. What, no illicit office affairs? I stayed in the stall for that? And lastly, my favorite was the girl who really put the dance moves into her singing, especially the second rendition of I Touch Myself. We are talking kneeling on the floor people (note: see sticky description above.) And this weird crossing of her legs like she was 'seductively' walking towards you, but never really moved position. It was odd.

Surprisingly, the place cleared out about midnight, but the songs were still coming and there were less people to approve or disapprove of singing, so this lead to Molly belting out such classics as 'I Will Always Love You' and 'Wind Beneath My Wings.' They did not have My Heart Will Go On, although I am sure she would have sung that if they did.

All in all, it was a great b-day celebration, so thanks to Lucy for being born and we love you! I have to go learn my Samantha Fox...

Birthday Celebrations
Ok, so I don't know about you, but birthdays are important in my group of friends. We love celebrating a good birthday and not just because it gives us a reason to go out and drink--although that is one of the reasons. I have been under the impression that most people celebrate their birthday on the day of their actual birth, or perhaps even the closest weekend day to that day. Well, not us. We tend to have a weeklong event of debauchery which we have termed 'Birthday Week Skankstravaganzas' which are awesome.

Basically for that entire week, the birthday girl can deem it necessary for us to go out, wherever she wants, and we must oblige--unless another actual adult responsibility prevents us from doing so. Things that will be excused: work related activities, being pregnant and/or funeral attendance. Although these things only excuse you from one event--not all of them. Things that will not be excused: boyfriends, being tired, illness, car trouble, emergency surgery...ok, well maybe that last one.

In any case, this usually works out well for us and the person celebrating the birthday feels loved and accepted which is what it is all about. Luckily for us, our birthdays are separated out by a couple of months--usually. Except for February and March when there are two, back to back. There also used to be feather boas and diva crowns involved, but perhaps we have matured past that part. Ok, probably not, but I think we lost all of the accessories during former skankstravaganzas.

Past celebrations have included: karaoke, plain root beer shots (tricked b-day gal into believing they were spiked), elbow dancing fights with some gals who thought they owned the dance floor, a surprise slumber party, a regular suprise party where the b-day girl thought we were robbing her, a joint March b-day party which one of the ladies totally doesn't remember, a broken couch, speed quarters, girls who were 3 years older than us thinking we wouldn't know 80's rap songs, jello shots, 2am aerobics, random make-out sessions in bars and the worm--the dance move, not from a tequila bottle.

Check this Out
Ok, not that I have some sort of huge readership, but check this new blog out Original Me

One of my friends started it and she is awesome, so get cracking!

Small Town America
For those of you who feel as though the East Coast is completely overdeveloped, might I implore you to read the following which was experienced by my friend Lucy and her sister Riley when they recently went to their hometown in a more rural section of New Jersey:

"Oh yes and they finally opened up a grocery store in
my town two weeks ago. It's the first one ever. So, Riley and I had to pick up some last minute things for the birthday party so we went on Sat. afternoon.
Oh my goodness it was like the annual town festival. The Oscar Meyer wiener-mobile was there and I took a picture of Riley with the wiener-mobile. They were also giving out free stuff everywhere. I had some free sirloin and some expensive free cheese, and I could have even had a whole hamburger. There was also face painting and balloon animals. As we were leaving, a man dressed as a giant cookie waved good bye. People were milling about the store and eye balling
everything and chatting with all their neighbors. It
was the most bizarre thing ever."

I so wish I could have been there and am looking forward to the pictures!

What a difference a day makes!
Mood:  caffeinated
Ok, so feeling much better today and thanks to all of my friends for listening to me whine. I am over that shit now.

Of course, it is hard to be upset when you spent the evening at a dive bar answering trivial pursuit questions. On cards that you brought from home. Because said bar doesn't have much entertainment except on Friday nights. What said bar does have is a number of regulars who are always willing to buy a few girls a few drinks. Especially when domestic bottles are only $1.50 for the ladies.

Ok, so back to the trivia. I am fully aware of how seemingly sad it is to bring trivia cards from home, but hey...we all have a thirst for knowledge, right? Or was that just cheap beer? Ok, maybe both. In any case, by the end of the evening we had several people involved in some fantastic trivia action, but I do believe the best question and answer were as follows:

Me: In India, how many lanes does the largest highway have?

Riley: 1 Million?

Me: 1 Million? That is your answer?

Riley: Uh huh.

Molly: That is one wide highway.

Riley: Oh. I think I misunderstood the question.