Couldn't come up with anything better...
All right, I went out last night and drank too much and slept too little. Do I really think the type of day I have had so far is because of that? Not hardly. Fine...maybe a little bit. Shut. It.

See, we had a bit of a debaucherous night that included numerous $2.35 beers and karaoke as well as a midnight viewing of Nightmare on Elm Street 2, which I have to say wasn't that good.

It is currently 4:32pm and there have been a variety of activities that occurred today.

So, let's begin...I wake up this morning to the sound of the telephone in my kitchen (the telephone, not me, I was in my bed) it was my roommate's ex husband calling to see where she was. So, I check in her room. Sure enough, sleeping soundly. 'Shall I tell him you have already left?' 'Please..'

Got to work at 9:20 after receiving a ride from the lovely Lucy to the metro station. Got a phone message from my dad sounding quite ominous and found out that my step-mom is having some health difficulties. Broke my shoe. Left all my money, ID and check card at home. All of my credit cards state to 'check id.' Borrowed money from a co-worker. Did I mention my shoe broke? Attended meeting with SVP whilst slightly hungover. Noticed a massive scar on his cheek and couldn't look away. And, to top it all off was the let down that was Lo Mein Bar in our cafeteria. How can you mess up stir-frying some vegetables? Well, if you mix some horrible sauce that taints the rest of the food, I guess it is possible. I am hoping the rest of the evening goes much more smoothly than earlier today, but I doubt it.

Day Of Service
My office does this really cool thing once a year called Day of Service, where they close the entire national office, in addition to all of our state offices and everyone signs up to volunteer at different locations. The volunteer work ranges from making food to building playgrounds to painting to knitting. So, as you can see, there are a wide range of activities to choose from.

Well, my boss and another colleague of mine found this one option that claimed that you would be working with kids and doing things like face painting and helping out with field day games. We thought this would be awesome. I mean, who doesn't love working with kids and we would get to be outside. Turns out, there were no kids involved, but in fact it was an adult day program field day. It was such a fun day and the participants were so awesome. They totally got into the spirit of the day and were so excited when they completed one of the field day tasks.

In any case, even though the service part was the most important, the most interesting point of the day is when my boss and I decided to race each other in the bean bag relay that had been set up. Now, mind you, this thing was set up with each person having two milk crates with six beanbags about 40 feet from each other (the milk crates not the beanbags) so this was certainly not a feat of massive athletic ability or endurance.

As we were getting ready to begin, a few thoughts were running through my head. The first...am I really about to run a race against my boss? The second...should I let her win? Third...I am about to run a relay race against my boss.

And we were off. Pretty much neck and neck until our colleague who was officiating noted that my boss was one bean bag ahead of me. Impossible, I thought. We have been side by side. I immediately began to cry foul...or at least 'she cheated!' over and over again. Although my cries were muffled by the fact that I couldn't breathe due to being massively out of breath after running only 80 feet.

It was in that moment that I realized two things. I will NOT let my boss win and I might lose my job. Ok, the second one wouldn't have really happened, but I definitely was not going to go down without a fight. So, I mustered up all of my speed and endurance to make up the difference. Slowly but surely with bean bags four and five I creeped back into contention. The last 40 feet were upon me and I ran with all my might...only to end up tying. (which of course really meant that I won by one beanbag, but whatever.)

So, even though the race was contentious, I have to say it is a pretty cool organization and boss to allow such a day in the middle of the week to occur. I still cry foul to my boss, but she will never admit what she did--she just looks at me with a twinkle in her eye and notes that she told her teenage daughters that 'we tied.'

Public Transportation
This morning was a slow one for me as I got up a little later than usual and was not feeling 100%. This certainly didn't prepare me for what I encountered on the bus ride to the metro station.

I am sitting towards the back, minding my own business, when this guy gets on the bus wearing clothing with the names of different American cities plastered everywhere and a hat that promoted the Olympics. Now this was a real patriot, I thought. Seriously, it looked like one of the souvenir kiosks from the airport threw up on him.

In any case, I was sitting there peacefully as he chose the seat in front of mine. About two minutes go by and that is when I hear it. The unmistakable snipping sound of nail clippers. No, it couldn't be. Who would do that in public, much less on a bus? An enclosed space with strangers? No way. A few more snips go by. Oh my god...he is clipping his nails.

YUCK. This was certainly not what my stomach needed this morning. There was no escaping the sound. Snip. Snip. Snip. With each snip, I got more and more sick. I looked around and it seemed as though not one other person on the bus noticed this man going to town on his fingernails. How could they not hear it? I looked at the woman across from me and longed to have her headphones. At least she had a reason for not noticing this man. I considered getting off the bus, but I was already late, so I moved a couple of seats away. I COULD STILL HEAR IT.

SNIP.

SNIP.

SNIP.

My god...how long could this go on? How much fingernail is he going to have left. It had been 5 minutes. OF SNIPPING. Did I mention we were on a bus? IN PUBLIC? Where are all the clippings going to go? I am positive he wasn't collecting them. What about the poor person who sits in that seat later in the day. Only to be accosted by Mr. Patriot's nail clippings. I suppose I should be happy he was grooming himself, but is it really necessary to do so on the bus? This was worse than the time that some woman took her shoes off, ON THE BUS, and put them up on the seat in front of her.

Again, what is wrong with people? The bus is full of germs and gross things...like nail clippings. Oh...I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. I have to start making more money so I don't have to take the bus anymore. GROSS.

I'm Going Blind
At least that is what I thought when I had my annual (and by annual I mean my triannual) visit to the eye doctor today.

Everything started out just fine. I went in, sat down in the little chair, ready to have that blast of air shot into each of my eyes. See, in the past, this had been the most stressful part of the eye doctor for me. I just don't like it. Not that it is painful, but the anticipation of when that blast of air is going to shoot in my eye pretty much drives me crazy. Well, little did I know the air blast would be the least of my worries.

The next test was to determine if there were any problems with my peripheral vision. You look through one eye and focus on this black dot and click a button when you see lines moving in your peripheral vision. Not too hard, right? Riiiight. When we were doing my right eye I didn't have many problems but I constantly worried that I was missing some and began to sweat a bit due to the pressure. Then it really got tough. On to the left eye. Same thing happened with the pressure, but what I wasn't counting on was this darkness that kept seeping into my vision field and by darkness, I mean completely black as if my eyes were closed.

Then I really started to freak out. What was going on? Was I seeing all of the little blips I was supposed to? Why was my vision deteriorating just from sitting in that chair? Why couldn't I focus on that damn dot? "This is what happens when you don't go to the eye doctor when you are supposed to and wear your two week disposable contacts for the better part of 4 months," I hear every eye doctor I have ever had echo in my brain.

The test ended and I waited for the doctor. He did ask me some questions...was I having problems with my vision, etc...I told him that no, it was not until I was being tested that I began to go have trouble. As I am sure any of you with a brain or a similar experience (or both) know, he explained that I was seeing black because my dominant eye was trying to take over and since it saw black, it tried to tell my left eye that was what it should see as well. So...whew...I am not going blind. Yet. He did chide me a little about not having been back in so long, but at least he put my fears of sudden blindness to rest. And I thought going to the gyno was stressful.

Work
For the past couple of months at work, things have been massively hectic. There is a big reorganization and all sorts of changes are taking place.

The issue? I seem to be stressing out way too much concerning this. I just have so much to do that my brain almost shuts down b/c it doesn't know where to begin. Today for example, I was able to cross 4 things off of my task list, only to add 5. We keep hiring new people, but they are all higher ups and it just seems like things just keep rolling downhill. I know that my job is a very good one and I am thankful to have it, but seriously I am starting to freak out. Today I was almost brought to tears from the frustration. TWICE.

I am sure some of you are saying...well, if you are so busy, then why are you taking the time to post. My answer to you? Shut. It. In all seriousness, I needed a little break from my list and thought that perhaps by chronicling some of my frustrations they would cease to bother me. I suppose only time will tell if this is the case.

In any event, I was fortunate enough to hear from a dear friend today that did brighten up my mood some. I am sure that this, like many things will pass, but damn if it doesn't seem like the most frustrating thing right now. Is it a bad thing when your boss comes in and tells you that you look exhausted? I thought so. Perhaps I should have winked at her...

Cat People
Seriously, what is wrong with people?

Cat Woman

Tiger Man

Cat Woman link thanks to the lovely posters on Darren's Blog. The Tiger Man link thanks to my lovely friend Alexis.

PS--a co-worker just told me that I was so quiet. My little plan seems to be working. Me, quiet...who would have thought?

Winking: Not for Everyone
Apparently I have a problem. (yes, to those of you who know me who are thinking 'just one?' Shut.It.) Anyway, I seem to have picked up the habit of winking at people.

Let me clarify, this is not the type of wink that is associated with the 'batting of one's eye' to get someone's attention, but more so a wink of collaboration, a wink of understanding. I would also like to point out that this has NOTHING to do with the wink and gun gesture with the accompanying sound effects. That, I don't do.

It is not news to me that I do this. I am acutely aware of this type of behavior. What I was not aware of, however, was that it might make others uncomfortable, and by others, I mean myself.

I was in a co-worker's office yesterday discussing a huge issue with this website we are attempting to get up and running. We have been going back and forth with a third party to get things situated. During this discussion we finally came to a mutual agreement and I semi-subconciously winked at this gentleman. And then, HE CALLED ME OUT on it:
GCW: 'Did you know you just winked at me? I mean, it wasn't a tic or something, was it?'
Me: 'Ummm...yes, I do believe that was a wink. You know, to signify agreement. I didn't really mean anything by it. Except the agreement thing that I mentioned before. It is just something I do.' (In head thinking: boy that was embarrassing...can I just stop talking now?)
GCW: 'Ooooookay'
Me: 'I have to go now, so we're all set, right?'
GCW: 'According to the wink, we are.'
Me: 'Right, uh huh.' (Quickly leaves office to replay own idiocy in mind over and over again)

Now, the real question is do I temper my winking so as to avoid such incidents in the future? Is this even possible? I think I like the wink and I haven't had any issues up until this point. Wait, what if everyone I know talks about this as a chronic problem and this guy was just the first in a long line of people waiting to comment? 'Oh, you know that Morgan...man she winks a LOT. I wonder if there is something wrong with her...' Oh no, I think I have now discovered what I will be doing this weekend. Do you think I could get one of those contraptions used in A Clockwork Orange to not only keep me from winking, but blinking as well? I have to do some Internet research now.

Oscar Mayer
I know that I speak of food on this blog occasionally, what with my true loves of caesar salad bar and taco salad bar, but I have come here to tell you today that I finally ran across something that I did not immediately fall in love with.

Yesterday, I became acquainted with Hot Dog Bar. Now, I don't know about you, but whenever I smell hot dogs, they really smell good. I can think about what I would put on them and it just makes my mouth water. Chili, cheese etc...you know the drill. Wow, this is starting to sound good all over again. However, here is the problem. No matter where I am or what I put on the hot dog, about midway through eating it, I start to feel really ill. I have NO IDEA why this happens, but yesterday I realized it happens all the time when I eat a hot dog. The first half is so mouthwateringly delicious and then BAM it gets disgusting. Perhaps this is my body's way of telling me I should not be eating 'processed meat' wrapped in a casing (insert inappropriate joke here--wait I just said insert--ahem nevermind.)

The only time that I have eaten a hot dog and not felt as though I was going to be ill was one time in NYC when I was really drunk with my friend Cynthia. We got hot dogs from a vendor and they had this sauce on them that we swore was NOT ketchup--it was darker and less thick. Now, that tasted wonderful. It was so good, we were calling the sauce liquid crack. Of course, I can admit that perhaps being so drunk allowed for the hotdog to taste so fantastically good, but I really think there was something to that sauce. We never did figure out what it was and I have never run across a vendor who had anything similar.

So, perhaps now that I have made this realization about my hot dog eating habits, I will know next time NOT to frequent the Hot Dog Bar. Unless I figure out what that liquid crack stuff was. And, if anyone knows what I am talking about, please speak up. Oh man...I guess I am right back where I started. Still wanting something that will inevitably make me sick. Isn't that always the way?

Help! I need my daily dose of blogs!
Dear Bloggers,

Please help. I am in need of updated entries. All of the blogs that I read on a daily basis have begun to post in less frequently. Don't you know that we RELY on you to give us something to do when we just don't want to do our work? I realize that I am guilty of the exact thing I am upset about (although I am sure my reader(s) aren't as affected, because, well, I can count them on my fingers) and am working to remedy that situation.

Anyway, back to my plea: People, please, for the love of God, I need you to update your blogs. I want to have my mind taken away from worrying about direct mail pieces and printing costs, phone calls and office politics (at least my own). Please, please update more often. Your activities are much more exciting than anything at my place of business and you give me a sense that I am not alone in my dealings with a sea of complete idiots. Yes, I know I could just talk to my own friends for this type of reassurance and entertainment, but it is much harder to appear that you are working when you are talking on the phone as opposed to having your eyes glued intently to the computer.

And, why does it seem that everyone is busy at the same time? Is something happening in the cosmos to create an inability to post things? A universal glut of responsibilities to attend to before getting to the fun of blogging?

In any case, I love reading blog entries and I promise for those of you who do actually read this, that I will attempt to post more often than once per week and I encourage any of you out there who also have blogs to do the same. The Internet community needs you. I need you.

Sincerely,
Morgan (aka Harper Yates)

Work is Interrupting
my blogging plans. I swear, I think I have some funny stuff to write. At least I think it is funny. It is just that actual work keeps getting in the way. Don't y'all hate it when that happens? I know I do. Stay tuned. Hopefully something good is coming down the road.

I know I have a blog dedication to my friend Alexis coming up. Perhaps I should call one of my favorite DJs on the adult contemporary circuit, Glenn Hollis or Delilah for some help with this very special dedication. Or I could go all the way to the top and just see what Casey Kasem is doing these days. Speaking of that, does anyone know?